I was recently asked how it was so easy for me to get over the end of my marriage of six years. My answer: it wasn’t. It was one of the toughest things I had to endure. And that’s just the thing about enduring. It’s hard. It’s ugly. It’s sad. It’s devastating. But in the end, it’s all you can do.

But to be able to pass through a tough time, I have realised, we must feel fully. Society will have us believe (with all the right intentions) that we mustn’t cry often. That it’s going to be fine. The truth is, it’s not going to be fine. You are going to be fine. Whatever it is you’re going through, will end. You, on the other hand, will go on.

So if it’s sadness, feel it fully so you can smile better. If it’s anger, let it rage on, so you can truly feel the calm after. If it’s grief, don’t shy away from crying, so you are free to feel something else later.

And that’s just what I did. I grieved the death of my marriage. Yes, I am old fashioned in matters of the heart. But I have come to believe that it works for me, this process of mourning. It helps me live through it. And it helps me let go. It isn’t easy, but it works. It doesn’t turn my sadness into a ball of anger, into a constantly simmering hate, into a lifelong indifference.

And that’s the long and short of it.

If you’ve read this, I’d like to know what you thought about the process.

P.S. Disclosure: None of my poems are written for my former wife, just in case you’re wondering.